April 8, 2012

Struggling with the words

I accidentally published a post that was barely even started. LOL Then I wrote a loong one that was going in too many different directions. (like my head and my heart.)

There is so much on my mind again this weekend. The rules, the double standards.... It's just too much. It raises my blood pressure and makes me want to yell. So, I play Alanis over and over again and remind myself not to get in too deep this time. 

"Remember how you let yourself fall so fast last time, and so you distanced yourself. Remember all of the promises of *someday* that never came true, the casual use of the L word once you were safely engaged to someone else."

Even so, it took but one good evening to reignite that old flame. And along with the fire came the rules, the double standards and more hints of the future that will never come to pass. UGH. When will I learn. A roller coaster always has highs and lows. It's fun, and then it's done, and you go back to your real life. It's just a ride, a momentary diversion from what's real. 

It is what it is. Nothing more.

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