July 13, 2011

Lasting Effects

Well, I can honestly say that I am now seeing the way Sunday's experience is having lasting effects on my psyche. I do think it is a good influence, rather than a negative one. 

The woman from Brazil was 42, just one year older than I. She was pretty and had an average figure. In fact, we guessed her to be around 30 until we got her information. There was no outward sign of illness or foul play. No drugs or alcohol visible in the area, no medical equipment, etc. This leads me to remember on a whole new level that life is short and can end at any moment. We need to prioritize our time and values and grab happiness anywhere we can. 

As is usual for me whenever I find myself starting over in life, I really take time to assess my thoughts, my feelings, my ambitions, and how I spend my time. This weekend drove the point home even deeper that it is ever necessary to connect with those that mean the most to me and follow my personal path to fulfillment. 

I make no apologies for being me. I will call when I feel the need to call and I will move heaven and earth to accomplish my goals. I do get tunnel vision and tend to focus too much on two or three things for a while, shutting all else out of view until I notice I am out of balance, then feel guilty that I haven't called so and so or haven't finished this or that project. But in the end, I am happy that I was true to myself in the moment.

Last night I was totally unfettered and could have made plans with anyone. I decided to use the time for myself, and did not call any of the friends that haven't seen me and have been texting for weeks wondering where I ran off to. I just did what was best for me, and I am glad I did.

I woke up after a really great sleep and took my time with coffee. I did a load of wash, showered, and ran out of the house. By 7:30 I was walking into B & N in Brandon and headed for my favorite section. I stood in front of the books with no agenda. I simply perused the titles and let them speak to me. 

I ended up at the cafe getting my Grande White Mocha and sitting down with an eclectic mix of reading. One title I was surprised to find had relevance to my Wednesday friend. Strange, how there were randomly placed three copies of this one book throughout the section. One of twelve pieces of a puzzle, but simply three copies on this piece and none of the others. By the time I found the third copy, it was OBVIOUS I was there to read it. So, naturally, I read every word of the small tome.

Today we communicated and I knew right away why I was supposed to read that book. The message I walked away with last night was that we are different, for sure, and this will give us challenges in understanding each other. But it would be worth it in the end to continue to make the effort. In the end, our similarities can overcome our differences and a significant meeting of the minds can be beneficial to both of us.

Today I will wander. I have a time and a destination. But I will leave as soon as I am ready and I will wander along veering this way and that until I arrive. I will not be staying as long as usual and I will once again wander on the way home. Perhaps another 3am visit to Starbucks with my journal? 

All that matters is that I take each day as it is and make the most of it. All that matters is that I am exactly who and what I need to be today and that I accept others for being who and what they need to be today. For tomorrow is promised to none of us, and today is all there is...


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