January 7, 2013

Farewell, Island Man

Friday night I finally returned his calls. he had been gone for two months. I think we spoke on the phone once. December 12th he contacted me to find out if I would see him if he came home. Being optimistic, I said yes. That was three weeks earlier.

It began on August 25th. A three week whirlwind of emotions that left me wanting more. Then he left, and a week became two before he returned and we tried again. It was a Saturday, and he kept me waiting as usual. By the time I arrived I was not in the mood he wanted me to be in. That's what you get for postponing me for three hours.

The next day he was moody and bossy. I didn't take it well before coffee, and I ended up in tears. We spoke a few days later and things seemed better. By Friday of that week he was halfway across the country. What???

There was work and they would pay what he felt was enough to make it worth the distance. I moved on. I literally moved- to a new home; and there my life began again. We spoke once in the darkness at night when we were each on a break at work. I was neutral then, but not yet indifferent.

Then it was December and he asked to see me. But he never came and he never called. Until last Wednesday. I had just finished five days off work for the New Year when he called with his tales of woe. Never did he ask how I was or what was going on with me. I cut him off eventually and went back to my life, irritated that he had been in town for two days prior.

The next day he texted and later left a message. Friday morning I sent an obligatory text that I was headed home from work. I ignored the texts and the calls until the evening. I listened to the message that implied I found something better, and I knew I needed to set him straight. So I did.

I called and forced him to let me get a word in. I'm not going out tonight. You should have called when you got back. No word from you in three weeks and now you want me to drop everything, etc. He tried to turn it on me, but I wouldn't let him.

I finished by telling him "you don't KNOW me, and you never wanted to." He was going to say "have a nice life", but I hung up first. This was MINE to finish. And I did.

It felt good. It felt like growth and change and acknowledgement of my worth. I slept well that night in my bed alone. It was peace. The next day I woke with a knowing that I had finally gotten the lesson once and for all.

I am whole. I am complete. I am valuable all by myself.

~ and I am happy!!


Gaston Glock said...

Yet again - more bullets. ROFL

Cathy said...

This entry reflected what I have gone thru. Intelligent and friendly man calls me, emails me, texts me and then drives 1000 miles to meet me. I could see it in his eyes. I knew he would pat me on the head and say lets be friends and share laughs. Calls dwindled, emails are non-existent and no texting. It hurts that men only take into consideration looks. I am fun! I am smart! Friendly! Loyal! I spent all summer working thru this. I am happy and content right now. I don't want someone coming into my life now disrupting everything. I have trips planned. Classes I want to take. Maybe someday things will change but for now I too am moving forward happy with myself, family and friends.