September 3, 2013

Seriously? Ugh.

My weekend went nothing like I expected. I need next week more than ever. Wow.

Tonight at work sucked, too. Somewhere between the usual calls and the call I hate the most, I had a short break with the guys. I poured out my heart, and let my emotions run. One sat there quietly, patiently listening. The other one wanted to fix it so he said too much.

In the end, I hugged each of them and thanked them for just caring enough to be there for me. It was nice. For ten minutes I let that wall down and had friends who wanted to be there for me. It was more than I got this weekend. 

I expect too much from people. I can't help it. I feel too deeply, and I am always disappointed that others don't. It is hard to be so impassioned and emotive. I can't change who I am. But some days it's hard to be me.

Some days all I long for is someone to hold me and be there for me. It is not about "external validation" or needing to be loved. It is about wanting. It is about loneliness and sorrow and wanting someone who cares enough to show it with physical affection. 

I have these days when I am just tired of being everyone else's sunshine, and I just need someone to be mine. This does not happen often, but when it does, it hits hard. And the loneliness is unbearable.

That was last night. That was rain...

Today is sunshine once more.

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