June 21, 2011

Course Correction

Ah, sleep. I generally pride myself on not taking things for granted, but I must admit that sleep is one thing I always thought would be easy. I live a very busy life and a lot of people depend on me. I generally have no problem falling into bed and getting into a deep sleep whenever I had the chance. Until two weeks ago....

For some reason I have had a lot on my mind, and I began waking up every hour or so just THINKING. [sigh] It started around the same time as that conversation with Deb about going with the flow. I had a lot going on just below the surface and it needed to rise to the light and be dealt with. And so it was.

It's never easy to face your fears head on. It is always worth the work, though, in the end. Right here, today, I have a new understanding of where I have been and where I am going. I have new ideas and dreams about my future now that I am fully standing in this place and time on my journey. 

It would best be described as a Course Correction. Similar to a GPS system re-calibrating your journey when you take an alternate route, my internal focus is resetting itself. I am no longer living in response to my past. Instead, I am ready to be open to my future, without fear or hesitation. No rules, no expectations, no self-limiting ideas. Instead, I am dreaming new dreams and exploring new paths and side trips for my journey.

One such course correction came naturally... When I began my life all over again, I comforted myself with the thought that I was getting a new chance to have all of my old dreams back. Like the one where I live full time out of an RV for a year, traveling and selling my art to support myself. I clung to this dream as a reminder that I can and will be carefree and spontaneous someday after the kids are grown and don't need me the way they do now. I also clung to this dream to help me remember that I am not always the woman who dresses appropriately for her corporate job and follows all of the rules like a good little sheep.

But each new journey brings with it new dreams, and this path is no different. As I let go of old fears, old ideas, and old habits, I let new images into my mind, and they bring new fantasies, new art ideas, and new dreams. 

Sure, I still want to be free enough to dye my hair hot pink, and wear turquoise nail polish anytime I feel like it. LOL But today, it would be more important to me to have a permanent studio for all of my creating, with all of the supplies spread out and works in progress undisturbed around the room. 

Perhaps now that I am no longer running from myself, my soul is not afraid to dream of roots in one place. I will always be a wanderer, of course. But there is something to be said for having a home to come back to where I can write  and dream and create about it before the next adventure...

feeling it~

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