People Show you...

I always heard that people show you who they really are during times of crisis. I guess I had never experienced it to this magnitude before.

In the last week I have experienced so many unexpected reactions from so many so called "friends". Some have been exactly what I needed them to be, but too many others have surprised me with their callous behavior. Heck, one of them hasn't even bothered to return my messages to find out what I needed to tell him.

Not knowing if I have a serious health issue and a long, arduous road to recovery in my future, or if this is merely a false alarm- a wake-up call to take better care of myself... This is scary. And it sucks! And friends not being there for me when I need them the most sucks even worse.

I found a lump. A solid mass, the size of a marble. It could be nothing at all. 80% of these are benign. But I have MANY high risk factors that I never knew, and I am scared. And alone. And some people are really letting me down.

Right before this happened, I decided I was done with dating. I tried one last time to put myself out there in an attempt to find companionship. But men still suck, and I am still better off without one. Now, as my friends show their true colors, I am realizing just how often I ignore my own needs in order to take care of everyone else. So, I will just walk through this journey alone.

I am realizing that when it truly matters, I can't count on anyone but myself to be there for me. I am my own best friend. I am strong and smart and funny and really just amazing in so many ways. And if you can't be there for me after I have given so much of myself when everyone else needed me, then just leave me alone. Because I will be busy with the ones that really give a shit.

People show you who they really are during times of hardship.