...and change I did

I knew something had to change, so I began within. I took inventory of myself and realized that it is impossible for me to be truly happy, and truly ME, if I am not actively making Art. I made a promise to myself that I would work on something every day. Some days I am very productive, and some days it may be sewing one needleful of thread. The idea is consistency. For one can not truly be an Artist if they do not create any Art. Right?

So far, I have only missed one or two days in over 40. I have several projects going, and nothing complete just yet. But I learned quite a few things throughout this process.

In other news, I have also been working on my spiritual journey, by meditating and working through a new study. I have experienced some amazing things already, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

One of these days I will get back to blogging regularly. For now, though, I will be at the Art table. :-)

Back to Reality

I have been MIA for a while as I was off of work and spent my days relaxing. After being home for six nights, I will be going back to work and back to reality tonight. I spent most of the week getting reacquainted with my recliner. :-)


All four kids are back in their schools and life is rolling along smoothly. I fully intend to slow down and enjoy this ride for as long as I can. I began by spending a day with Cigar Guy recently. :-) 


As usual, we laughed, we talked about everything under the sun, and I was more relaxed than I had been in a long time. He is always so good for me. I always drive home feeling calm and at peace about myself and my life. Everyone should have a friend that reminds them of who they really are. I am blessed to have several.


In other news I have NOT been Arting. I am stuck. I have a block. I began all kinds of things with a purpose and never did finish any of them. 


OH MY GOSH!~


As I am typing this, I just realized that IS the block! I was trying too hard to fulfill a purpose and not just creating for the sake of creating. I was forcing it by having a "plan" for my finished product, instead of simply expressing myself and letting the finish tell me what it's purpose should be...


As usual, writing freed my soul. 
I'm off to create~

I know I have slowed down my blogging significantly in the last few weeks. I am still writing, dreaming, thinking, debating, and investigating. I simply haven't had my computer handy whenever I have things to blog about. You see, I have been spending much more time lately simply being... still.


I am usually a very frenzied active person with seven things going at once. I certainly thrive on chaos, as my closest friends can attest. Recently, however, I have been compelled to slow down and just be. I am trying to listen to what my soul has to say about my here and now, as well as my future. I have a long history of running so fast through my life that I sometimes don't even notice what path I am on until I happen to notice it's going in the wrong direction.


The second of my college kids left for school and our lives are settling back down. We had a miscommunication with the private school that oversees our homeschool records, and the little two have been delayed in starting their high school adventure. They will be in their new schedules by Wednesday of this week and everything will be fine, but it gave me some extra days to cherish their company before they go speeding down that path toward their grown-up lives and have no time for mom any more.


I have also been caught up in drama at work. Nothing that was created by me, or is even dependent on me to flourish, but drama that affects my entire shift each night. UGH. I have been coming home each day and sleeping until I have to go back, except for a couple hours that I spend with the kids. I am mentally exhausted and I am looking forward to my time off this weekend.


I want to make art so badly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head and I look forward to having the time to stay awake long enough to create something. I have been working on bits and pieces here and there, but I need to drag out my supplies and start anew for the next thing I am ready to work on. 


I am also looking forward to seeing someone who has been patiently enduring my neglect of our friendship. I hope it hasn't been six months yet- we have rules!


planning~

I'm Still Here and I'm Still Me. :-)

Good Morning!


It is a gorgeous day in Central Florida! So beautiful, in fact, that you would never guess that we might have a hurricane here by Thursday or Friday:

I'm not worried, of course. I lived here in 2004 when we had Charlie, Frances, and Jeanne. UGH. I will simply stock up on water and canned goods in case the power is out for an extended length of time if it comes through here. 


I am really glad to live in Lakeland where we have our own power company. It's a much shorter wait to get the lights back on than when we lived out in the county on the far edge of TECO's coverage. I also live in a giant cement building and we have city water now, instead of a septic system. Amen!


I am something of a storm junkie. I love weather systems. It's exciting to watch the radars and see what's coming and how far it extends across the state before it's over. I should have been a meteorologist. LOL


And our skies... The Florida skies are just gorgeous when the rain moves in. The Northern skies were just plain gray. Blah. We get all kinds of amazing sky here. 


Enough about the weather. In other news, my life is going really well. Cassidy left yesterday with Jessica and they got to Ohio in the middle of the night, all safe and sound. Tomorrow she will drive to Alex at school in Indiana to drop off his boxes, then finish the trip to Illinois. 


Now it is just the three of us. Maddie has already made the apartment look great! We have all kinds of room in our bedroom and our closet now, too. LOL 


Last week's work on the art studio in the dining room has really paid off, too. I have been working on three or four projects throughout the week, doing a little more here and there and "Arting every day." It is so good for my spirit. I am sleeping better, and feeling more balanced. Creating is just so good for my soul...


Speaking of Soul... One of my dreams is to take off on a journey once the kids are out of the house. I want to dye my hair pink, hop in my RV with Annie and take off on the ultimate journey of freedom. I even have my outfit all planned for the day I drive away. :-) I will sell my Art and do freelance writing to support myself, my dog, and my lifestyle.


I plan on selling everything I have left by then and having my mobile house totally paid for before I leave. That way my bills will only be insurance, maintenance, cell & internet, gas and living expenses. I am also willing to do Workamping to make it happen. The plan is to try it for one year. Just 365 days with no one making demands on my who, what, where, and when. I also love the idea of having no permanent address. Wherever I am will be home.


After I fulfill my 365 mission, I will decide if I want to put down roots. That will be a well-informed decision after finally seeing so many parts of the country. I may be surprised at where I end up, but I suspect it will not be Florida. I do love it here, but it makes me crazy that the first 5 hours of any road trip is just getting out of this state! :-P


Yep, I have plenty more research to do. I was all set on a midsize Class C with a bicycle ntil I looked at the Airstreams. Now I have to find a vehicle that wold tow it and still feel like a "Jodi" car. That's a challenge, for sure!


I'm off to do more dreaming... Have a great day!


wandering~

Soaking it in...

Life is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs.


This week I have made peace with the events of last weekend and I am simply happy to have such a very dear friend for the rest of our lives. :-) I am also SERIOUSLY looking forward to going back to play again. Saturday was soooo fun!


For now I am focusing in a new direction. Well, maybe not so new, as I once spent a beautiful six months in that direction... A friend asked me why women always look to men to provide emotional needs that they just can't provide. It got me thinking about a relationship I had once that was so easy and good it scared me and sent me running. I am going to give it another shot while I still can and if it's good, I won't run this time. 


Looking back at the past this week has given me some great art ideas. I was all ready to Art today except that I was literally falling asleep on the highway on my way home from work. NOT GOOD. So, I came straight home and went to bed. Now I have to run a few errands and get more rest before going back to work.


Perhaps I will make up a small travel kit to take to work in case I am able to take a real lunch. Last night was not bad at all. Hopefully, this whole weekend will go by fast and it will be Tuesday before I know it. 


For my "cuddly friend" if you are reading this: I treasure you and will always be here for you. I look forward to another Wednesday very soon!


And to all of my friends and readers: May your weekend be filled with sunshine and spontaneity!


feeling~

Ah, life. What a funny thing it is when we think we understand life and what it is trying to teach us. We plan, we expect, we think we have it all figured out. And then we wake up.


I am on a mini vacation from work and my life this weekend, and it has been very awakening for my soul. I see so many things more clearly now after taking a step back and reassessing. I am deeply moved to make Art when I return home. There is a new purpose within me to follow my instincts and move further along my path toward the next great adventure. 


In recent weeks I was looking in one direction, not seeing the other paths laid out before me like rays surrounding the sun 360* in every direction. Today I am filled with wanderlust and a desire for another road trip. Perhaps tomorrow I will meander to a new locale and hang out in new surroundings before heading home.


When I planned this weekend, I had a certain mindset for what it was going to be like. From the beginning, I found out it was not going to be what I expected at all. At first I had to process the change. It seemed too drastic and sudden. It seemed I had relied too much on my previous experiences and thought patterns to make sense of where I was at. But each day the Universe teaches me that I have so much more to learn before settling in one place with my Spirit. 


Today, after sleeping well, and waking up with my coffee, I am looking at my life with fresh eyes and seeing what should have been so obvious before. I am not ready to be "set" yet. I am too fluid and my desires are still changing from one day to the next as I learn more about myself and where I am going with my life.


I feel today that there is a great new adventure before me. It is not about my family, my job, or anyone special in my life. It is about my Spirit, and my Art, and my personal path to fulfillment. It is a very clear and gently paved path with trees on either side and bright sunlight shining through the branches onto the road. I shall follow along while my guides lead me to that magical place where my muse can speak serenely to my soul and prompt me to create the the stories that beg to be released in pictures and in words. 


I will create and I will write and I will paint and I will sew and I will bring wildly delightful creations to life with all of my talents. I will share these creations with the world and my heart and soul will be satisfied from doing what I was meant to do. 


Whatever else happens along the way with life and relationships and responsibilities will be secondary to it all. For I will be feeding my Spirit and that is all that life requires...


Musing~

Flowing along...

Living in the flow is going great! It feels good to be back in my groove again. I am tan and look really good, I have been all kinds of productive this "weekend" off work, I am solidly back into my healthy journey, and now I am going to relax and give myself permission to chill today. I have already gotten a day's worth of stuff done before 11am anyway.


Last night I was working on an important project and it turned out that I was not meant to hang out in Orlando with my buddy. Instead I went to the mall, found my skirt for my costume on a ridiculous sale, then I had a great phone conversation that made my whole day. :-) I finished the evening by working on the apartment for an hour with the kids and it no longer looks like a storage unit in my living room. Yay!! We even reorganized the balcony and it is so much nicer now. Naturally, I celebrated by watching several Foamy cartoons on Youtube. LOL


Today I was going to work on organizing the dining room Studio, but all I really want to do right now is sleep. I am slightly overwhelmed that half of the boxes that came back from the storage were filled with MORE Art stuff and crafty supplies. UGH! 


The layout of our last apartment made for such a beautiful Studio. This dining room is half the size to begin with, has less walls and a more "open floor plan". It's very nice if you were going to use it as a dining room. However, it is not conducive to shelves, bookcases, and cubbies filled with supplies for every craft known to the Western world. UGH!


It will definitely take some creative organizing to make all of my tools readily available for when the mood strikes. I am realizing that this is why I have hardly made any new work in months. I do not have easy access to any of my supplies. As it is, I have resigned myself to the fact that all of my needlework supplies have decided to reside in the living room. I thought that might be enough to free up the dining room, but that didn't last long once the final load from the storage unit made it over. 


So, for now, I will go back to my bed, do a meditation, and perhaps take a nap. Maybe my organizational muse will wake me with a great idea that will pull it all together. LOL


Hoping~

It's a Beautiful Day!

Well, so far today I had coffee at mom's, washed my car, tried to dye a skirt (don't ask!), had lunch with mom and Al at Applebee's, and got a nice sunburn suntan at the pool with the kids. I am currently relaxing in my chair and about to work on my latest project before I step out for the evening with one of my very best friends who is quite annoyed that my Wednesdays have not been free lately. LOL


He is a very dear friend who means the world to me, but we have always had wildly different priorities which sometimes leads to long absences between us. Nevertheless, we seem to make up for lost time rather well. I am looking forward to an intellectual discussion along the lines of Florida gun statutes, how to beat the IRS at their own game, and perhaps after some catching up on the comings and goings of our college student children, we will even get around to discussing the latest Supreme Court rulings. 


This may sound boring to some of my readers, but if you knew how much fun these chats actually are, you would be jealous, I assure you. After all, this is ME and someone with the same "sense of humor mixed with intelligent debate" having these conversations. Never a dull moment! In fact, he says we have been friends for so many years because I get the jokes...


Anyway, I hope all of you have had a lovely day enjoying our gorgeous blue skies. I have a date with a turquoise and lime green doll...


Arting~

Stream of Consciousness...

So many things swirling in my head today. Trying to make sense of it all... It was a weekend filled with sleep, time for myself, and time with the one person I wanted to see. It was a good weekend filled with laughter, peace, progress, music and movies. I saw things I had been waiting to see, and heard things I had been waiting to hear. I made mistakes, I learned lessons, and I made progress within myself. 

Today has been a lazy day taking one moment at a time to think, read, meditate, sleep, and just be. The weekend's turmoil is still haunting me much more than I realized and I am working to assimilate the emotions into my consciousness... My dreams have been expressing to my psyche what I am hiding beneath the surface. Vivid dreams that feel so real, I am grateful to wake up and find that I didn't really make those choices... Things I want and need are just out of my grasp and I am not sure how to fit it all together. 

Today's planetary alignments are telling me to stay within and leave others to their own devices. This is a time to leave my usual Aries fiery attitude and impulsivity at the door and play by the rules. In a few days things will be back to normal and I have great changes on the horizon. Goals accomplished, rewards for my efforts... Next week will be about reaping what I have sown. Today is for patience and pondering.

Colors, threads, fabrics, beads are all calling to me today. I am working on an old project I uncovered recently. It is time for her to see the light of day and show me what she desires to be. This faceless, half painted beauty has decided that now is her time and we shall play together until we find what we are feeling has properly materialized. It seems fitting since she was begun long before, the last time I was in this cycle. 

Perhaps she has arrived now to lead me in a new direction...

feeling the day...~

Rene Magritte

For several years now, Rene Magritte has been my favorite surrealist painter. I have always been a fan of Picasso and Dali, but while studying their work, I came across some images that took me to a deeper place. Magritte's "less is more" style speaks to my appreciation of the meaning behind the image. His work looks more contemporary, almost photographic, when compared with Picasso's oils. 


I stumbled upon an excellent article that goes into his paradoxical character: 
http://gradiva-notes.blogspot.com/2011/06/rene-magritte-surrealisms-straight-man.html


Then I found this:

If you know his work, you get the joke. As described in the article linked above, it is referencing Magritte's pipe paintings that have contradictory statements below a picture of a pipe. Personally, I like this work because it reminds me of what I like from both Dali and Magritte. 


Every year or so, I get back to Chicago to visit family, do some business, and hit some favorite sights. The one thing I absolutely do not miss when I'm in town is a visit to The Art Institute. Two years ago, I was there when the Contemporary wing was being revamped. :-( Alas, my visit centered around Van Gogh and Seurat. Last year, I was able to sneak a day on the way back from Michigan and go alone for an entire afternoon while the kids wandered down to see The Bean and the LEGO store.


When I first entered the wing, I was faced with Picasso's Old Guitarist directly in front of my face! It was amazing, but I will save that for another post. The last thing I saw in the first major room, was this:

Time Transfixed

At the time I wasn't sure what took my breath away- the convincing 3D effect, or the sheer size of the piece. I never expected this to be so large! Naturally my own Artist's mind immediately attempted to comprehend the logistics of such an enormous undertaking. It had to be three feet wide and five feet high. For someone who rarely does work larger than a piece of A4 printer stock, it was truly astounding. 


Another of my favorites is Golconde:

Every time I see this work, it makes me giggle inside my head as it immediately conjures the song "It's Raining Men." LOL I had this on my desktop at work for a while and I must have spent countless lunch hours looking at the various men and wondering what technique he used to get them all looking so identical. It reminds me of CGI and how we can now click a mouse and add 120 people to a background image. Magritte had to do each of these with a paintbrush. Amazing. 


I will leave you with a few more pictures that I prefer from his collection...

Personal Values

Mask

The Telegraph

I hope you will take time with each image and let it speak to you in it's own voice. It is simply amazing what being exposed to new artwork can do for your soul...

Art every day~

Studio Blog back up and running!

Ok, if you felt the earth move today, it was not an earthquake. I actually found it in my spirit to revive the Studio Blog. Take a look if you're interested in the Arty half of my life... LovelyArtGoddess

too tired...

Well, it's been an interesting day to say the least... Ten minutes before I left work someone gave me news I was not expecting. First, my blood was boiling and I wanted to smack someone. Then, I laughed my ass off that people think they can hide things from me when we work at the same place and know all of the same people. DUH!


Basically, it's a good thing that I did not rush my divorce. I really wanted to, but I held him in such contempt that I did not desire to see him or speak to him long enough to work it out. Now that I have done my healing and I have truly forgiven us both for whatever decisions led us down this path, I simply feel sorry for him. He did not deserve me, but he had his chance anyway and he blew it. Life marches on.


Today, however, I received news that rumors and innuendos about him receiving money were actually true. He did, indeed, receive a large sum of money. Which means, of course, that if it was not related to his health, I may be entitled to as much as half of it. Naturally, I drove home mentally compiling a bill for my services as caregiver, babysitter, chauffeur, laundress, and accountant for him and his son. I also thought about compensatory damages. Hhmm.... I wonder what the going rate is for everything I endured during our brief time together. I'll leave that up to the lawyer that I will be meeting with soon. It is clear he is going to drag his feet now that I know he has something to hide, and I would prefer to put the past in my rearview mirror.


Moving forward- I did see John today and we laughed just like old times. He is an odd bird, that one, but he is still my friend. It was refreshing to jump between stories of work and failed relationships and "light reading in quantum physics". I was amazed at what he remembered about our old times hanging out as a foursome in 2001/2002. Memories...


Next, after running a few errands, I took Cassidy back to the car dealership. They do have a program for college students with income but no previous credit history. In fact, if we weren't so strict on the monthly payment, she could have driven home today. But the good news is that she WILL drive back to Illinois in August! We just want her to save another $500-$700 for the down payment so her payments will be manageable for her with her job back at school. After all, she has to pay her insurance, too.


So, now I am home, in my recliner, and while I am heartily motivated to create art inspired by Wednesday night, I am physically too tired to move. So, I will leave you with this thought:


"The best thing that has ever happened to you is not the best thing that could ever happen to you."


Dreaming~

Picture a Day #6

In decided today's picture would be something that makes me smile. I love the idea of taking a stereotypical something, like a yellow rubber duckie, and putting a twist on it to make it not-so-stereotypical. This is about half of my collection in our living room. The other half includes holiday specific ducks that come out with the decorations, and ducks that I have painted myself for a long forgotten art project.

I am currently in the process of revisiting a lot of my old projects and seeing what still lights a fire under my muse. We just emptied our storage unit, as I can no longer justify the expense. I have a slew of new boxes to go through and explore the possibilities for art. Today I began working on a project that is really special to me. Perhaps it will be posted here someday...

Creativity~

Course Correction

Ah, sleep. I generally pride myself on not taking things for granted, but I must admit that sleep is one thing I always thought would be easy. I live a very busy life and a lot of people depend on me. I generally have no problem falling into bed and getting into a deep sleep whenever I had the chance. Until two weeks ago....


For some reason I have had a lot on my mind, and I began waking up every hour or so just THINKING. [sigh] It started around the same time as that conversation with Deb about going with the flow. I had a lot going on just below the surface and it needed to rise to the light and be dealt with. And so it was.


It's never easy to face your fears head on. It is always worth the work, though, in the end. Right here, today, I have a new understanding of where I have been and where I am going. I have new ideas and dreams about my future now that I am fully standing in this place and time on my journey. 


It would best be described as a Course Correction. Similar to a GPS system re-calibrating your journey when you take an alternate route, my internal focus is resetting itself. I am no longer living in response to my past. Instead, I am ready to be open to my future, without fear or hesitation. No rules, no expectations, no self-limiting ideas. Instead, I am dreaming new dreams and exploring new paths and side trips for my journey.


One such course correction came naturally... When I began my life all over again, I comforted myself with the thought that I was getting a new chance to have all of my old dreams back. Like the one where I live full time out of an RV for a year, traveling and selling my art to support myself. I clung to this dream as a reminder that I can and will be carefree and spontaneous someday after the kids are grown and don't need me the way they do now. I also clung to this dream to help me remember that I am not always the woman who dresses appropriately for her corporate job and follows all of the rules like a good little sheep.


But each new journey brings with it new dreams, and this path is no different. As I let go of old fears, old ideas, and old habits, I let new images into my mind, and they bring new fantasies, new art ideas, and new dreams. 


Sure, I still want to be free enough to dye my hair hot pink, and wear turquoise nail polish anytime I feel like it. LOL But today, it would be more important to me to have a permanent studio for all of my creating, with all of the supplies spread out and works in progress undisturbed around the room. 


Perhaps now that I am no longer running from myself, my soul is not afraid to dream of roots in one place. I will always be a wanderer, of course. But there is something to be said for having a home to come back to where I can write  and dream and create about it before the next adventure...


feeling it~

Lovely, lovely words

There is nothing so lovely as simple words flowing along the page freely expressing ideas. The words ebb and flow with a rhythm that sings to my soul. Ideas, musings, poetry, essays- all of it is delicious food for my spirit. I feel the blessings running through me as I write or type my most recent expressions of my soul. Somehow these simple lovely words connect me to a bigger, sweeter part of my existence. If I could truly explain this feeling to others, I would. But alas, the words I love so much cannot describe the very feeling they give me...

It is love and ease and breath all at the same time. It sparks communication and opens me up to my muse. When I am not writing, I am waiting to write again.  And in the spaces between writing and not writing, I am seeing pictures in my mind's eye that must be expressed through my art, because there are no words, only images with deep meaning. Images that begin like a flicker of light when a match is lit in the dark. On and on they flicker and glimmer until they shine so bright, demanding to be released into the world. If only there were time and space enough to let them all out...

Namaste~

I will...

I will dye my hair hot pink and live in an RV. I will stitch and write and paint and sell my work to support myself. I will travel to Austin, Texas and Santa Fe, New Mexico and meet other artists and free spirits.

I will paint my RV in wild colors and people will watch me roll by and wish they were as free as me...

And I will share with them my secrets.

I want...

I want to paint. and sculpt. and glue tiny things together to make not as tiny things. I want to sew and stitch and embroider and make big pictures out of teeny tiny X's. I want to ART my way through the day. I want to make a little quilt with so much stuff on it, you can hardly see the fabric. I want to make fun jewelry and embellish clothes to wear. I want free time to do these things all day, every day.


And then, I want to write about it.

11/11

Eleven eleven. 

Seems as good as any other day to begin the new blog.

In my soul, I am a writer and an artist. I have always been an information junkie with a thirst for knowledge, and my social character gives me a natural drive for sharing what I learn. I am a student of the human condition. I love people and I am fascinated by our differences, our similarities, and by learning what makes us tick.

The challenge for me is understanding why other human beings in the same situations, faced with the same facts and circumstances, don't naturally have the same instinctive reactions that I do. This simply drives me to learn more.

My art has generally been centered around the idea that we are all unique and we do not fit in little boxes with labels. Life is messy and random and that's what makes it beautiful. Recently, I went back to college and my eyes are opening wider every day. My soul is flourishing and I am happier than I have ever been. My brain is overflowing with new concept, ideas, stories to express through my art. I am filled with new knowledge, truths, and facts that I can't keep to myself.

Through the years I dabbled in writing, blogging, and expressing myself through words. When I wasn't writing formally, words were sprinkled through my art, my designing, my decor. Words Words Words

Now it is time for me to pull it all together in one place and nurture the gift. I will write and I will create and when I am ready to share it, I will bring it here. Perhaps another human will find it worthy of reaction. Perhaps they will share what it made them feel. Or perhaps they won't. But either way, I will finally be honoring my spirit by doing what I was meant to do.