Farewell, Island Man

Friday night I finally returned his calls. he had been gone for two months. I think we spoke on the phone once. December 12th he contacted me to find out if I would see him if he came home. Being optimistic, I said yes. That was three weeks earlier.

It began on August 25th. A three week whirlwind of emotions that left me wanting more. Then he left, and a week became two before he returned and we tried again. It was a Saturday, and he kept me waiting as usual. By the time I arrived I was not in the mood he wanted me to be in. That's what you get for postponing me for three hours.

The next day he was moody and bossy. I didn't take it well before coffee, and I ended up in tears. We spoke a few days later and things seemed better. By Friday of that week he was halfway across the country. What???

There was work and they would pay what he felt was enough to make it worth the distance. I moved on. I literally moved- to a new home; and there my life began again. We spoke once in the darkness at night when we were each on a break at work. I was neutral then, but not yet indifferent.

Then it was December and he asked to see me. But he never came and he never called. Until last Wednesday. I had just finished five days off work for the New Year when he called with his tales of woe. Never did he ask how I was or what was going on with me. I cut him off eventually and went back to my life, irritated that he had been in town for two days prior.

The next day he texted and later left a message. Friday morning I sent an obligatory text that I was headed home from work. I ignored the texts and the calls until the evening. I listened to the message that implied I found something better, and I knew I needed to set him straight. So I did.

I called and forced him to let me get a word in. I'm not going out tonight. You should have called when you got back. No word from you in three weeks and now you want me to drop everything, etc. He tried to turn it on me, but I wouldn't let him.

I finished by telling him "you don't KNOW me, and you never wanted to." He was going to say "have a nice life", but I hung up first. This was MINE to finish. And I did.

It felt good. It felt like growth and change and acknowledgement of my worth. I slept well that night in my bed alone. It was peace. The next day I woke with a knowing that I had finally gotten the lesson once and for all.

I am whole. I am complete. I am valuable all by myself.

~ and I am happy!!

10/10/12

Today is already off kilter. I've been in my head since yesterday, and now the day's plan is crumbling all around me.

I put in for some vacation time this morning. If it gets approved, I will be off in three weeks, weekend to weekend.I really need it. I have no idea what I'll do or where I will go without a vacation budget, but I truly just need some time away from it all...

They are both playing with my head and making me crazy. I haven't seen either of them since the weekend, but both of these dear friends have been in my head and my heart for days.

I wrote a short piece last night and posted it on FB. I don't do bossy. I can't stand it when people tell me what to do! I also don't appreciate people trying to make me into what *they* want me to be. Just love me as I am, dammit!

Seriously, it took me a very long time to learn how to love myself AS IS, and I have no intention of making changes for someone else. That's why I will never get married again. I eventually make compromise after compromise for the sake of the relationship, until I am not me anymore. Then the man goes off to find someone like I used to be! Duh!

So, yeah, single but in a relationship works just fine. And apparently I'm in one. Lol actually, even close friendships are relationships, so I'm actually in more than one. But don't tell that to #1. LOL He will FREAK OUT because he "doesn't DO relationships. LMAO.

First song from The Playlist

This was the first song that ever made me think of us. I figured since this feels like 2006, 2008, and 2010 all over again, it would be a good time to post it.

How Strong Do You Think I Am?
- Alexz Johnson

If I don't cry, Do you think I don't feel?
If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't see,
And just because I want someone when I'm alone,
Doesn't mean I'm helpless,
That I can't stand on my own.

How far can we go before we break?
How long can I wait?

How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong do you think I am

It's so hard to tell,
What's in your heart,
What you keep to yourself,
Is tearing me apart,
And should I be afraid,
To dream about you?
And if you feel the same,
What you going to do?

How far can we go before we break?
How long can I wait?

How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong do you think I am

If I move in any closer,
If you let go and give yourself away,
and if we let this happen to us,
Everything will change.

How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong,
How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong, how strong, how strong do you think I am?

Yet again...

Love sucks.

I went out and had a truly wonderful evening on Friday. Today I keep replaying certain conversations in my head, and I am reminded that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I'm ashamed to admit I am incredibly jealous. The reason this upsets me is because it makes me realize that I am once again letting myself get too attached.

My usual answer is to counteract this by looking elsewhere. I wanted so badly not to be here in this place yet again.

Every time I get too close, I feel resistance. If I step back, I am told that *I* am the reason we are not closer. That's just not fair.

Ugh.

Love sucks.

It's time for Plan B.

One from The Playlist

This song really speaks to where I am at these days… "on the other side"

***************

Whataya Want From Me

- Adam Lambert

Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up,
need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up,
need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

***************
For some reason
right now just feels like the perfect time to finally hit "publish" on this post...

There are days --

- when I want to ride off into the sunset all by myself and never look back

- when I want to be loved the way I need to be loved

- when I realize love is a joke and people are too selfish for it to ever be the way we want it to be

- when all I want is for you to hold me and meet me right where I am at

- when I don't want anything at all

- when I wish you could see what I see

- when I want you to let me love you

- when I am tired of your roller coaster

- when I just wish you were mine

and then there are days when I just wish you would "get it"

Blog worthy!

Well, I just found out that I have some fun plans this weekend while I am off of work!


I took this weekend off back in July because I had something I wanted to do. Those plans were nixed a while ago, but I kept the vacation time as I realized I simply need some time to rejuvenate after this crazy summer. I made a decision that I would spend the weekend catching up with friends that I just haven't had time to get together with enough this year, and I would SERIOUSLY work on Art.


Well, I am slowly shoring up my plans and I am getting excited now! Cigar guy and I just decided to spend Saturday together doing something we both love but have never had a chance to do together... 


I am really looking forward to seeing him again. He is truly one of my very best friends. We met in December 2006 when he read a post of mine online and contacted me because I made him laugh so hard he spit Diet Pepsi on his keyboard. LOL We met for drinks and the rest, as they say, is History. He has been there for me through dating sagas, a marriage and now a divorce, and he has seen me at my best and at my worst. He makes me laugh, he infuriates me, he makes me feel smart and special, he asks me bizarre questions at the strangest moments... One night he drove 160 miles from start to finish because seeing me was worth it. :-) 


He is a true friend for life. I love him dearly and I have been "in love" with him at one time. He has a special knack for getting me to do the strangest, wildest things that I would never even consider doing for anyone else. LOL He calls himself a realist, and he is truly the smartest person I have ever known. 


I do enjoy calling him out on his crap, though. I am good at reminding him that there is always another side to every story and another way to look at things that may not necessarily be *wrong*, just different.


I recently found that I have another friend who has a similar connection with me. Like Cigar Guy, I thought we may be dating material when we first met. Along the way I found out that he, too, is much more important than the next guy in the list of failed relationships, and that he will also be a very special friend for the rest of our lives. 


For completely different reasons, we have a bizarre connection that only we understand even we don't understand. LOL He is smart, funny, and adorable, infuriating, and makes me CRAZY just like Cigar Guy, but I love him just the same. 


On the surface we couldn't be more different. We have lived very different lives, have different goals for our futures and we have wildly different opinions about life and the world we live in. And yet, he has told me I am one of his very favorite people and he is surely one of mine. :-) I believe that the Universe has crossed our paths because we have lessons to teach each other in this life. 


Today I am grateful for these two men. They have each shown me that there ARE good men in this world and that the best way to enjoy the gifts they have to bring into my life is to just let go and let it happen. 


Thank you both for teaching me to stop trying so hard and just LIVE!


appreciating~

I know I have slowed down my blogging significantly in the last few weeks. I am still writing, dreaming, thinking, debating, and investigating. I simply haven't had my computer handy whenever I have things to blog about. You see, I have been spending much more time lately simply being... still.


I am usually a very frenzied active person with seven things going at once. I certainly thrive on chaos, as my closest friends can attest. Recently, however, I have been compelled to slow down and just be. I am trying to listen to what my soul has to say about my here and now, as well as my future. I have a long history of running so fast through my life that I sometimes don't even notice what path I am on until I happen to notice it's going in the wrong direction.


The second of my college kids left for school and our lives are settling back down. We had a miscommunication with the private school that oversees our homeschool records, and the little two have been delayed in starting their high school adventure. They will be in their new schedules by Wednesday of this week and everything will be fine, but it gave me some extra days to cherish their company before they go speeding down that path toward their grown-up lives and have no time for mom any more.


I have also been caught up in drama at work. Nothing that was created by me, or is even dependent on me to flourish, but drama that affects my entire shift each night. UGH. I have been coming home each day and sleeping until I have to go back, except for a couple hours that I spend with the kids. I am mentally exhausted and I am looking forward to my time off this weekend.


I want to make art so badly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head and I look forward to having the time to stay awake long enough to create something. I have been working on bits and pieces here and there, but I need to drag out my supplies and start anew for the next thing I am ready to work on. 


I am also looking forward to seeing someone who has been patiently enduring my neglect of our friendship. I hope it hasn't been six months yet- we have rules!


planning~

Finally found the words...

She let him off the hook. She said it was fine and all for the best, but she was trying to convince herself. It was just easier that way. If she admitted to herself that she had fallen and hard, then she would have to feel the hurt.


What she didn't realize at the time was that she would feel it anyway. She knew it made no sense. He wasn't anything like anyone she had been interested in before. The looks, the lifestyle, the background- nothing seemed to make any sense about this match. But the heart doesn't always make sense, it simply wants what it wants.


The worst part was that she really wasn't looking for it. It found her when she wasn't looking and it snuck up on her. She thought it would be all fun and games, but it hit her with a depth she wasn't prepared for.


When she told me the story, I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say. I felt bad that she was hurting, for I had certainly been there before myself. I knew how hard it was to get someone out of your head once they had taken hold of your heart.


The hardest part is when you never even got to tell them how you really feel. All I could do is send her a song...





hope this helps~

Soaking it in...

Life is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs.


This week I have made peace with the events of last weekend and I am simply happy to have such a very dear friend for the rest of our lives. :-) I am also SERIOUSLY looking forward to going back to play again. Saturday was soooo fun!


For now I am focusing in a new direction. Well, maybe not so new, as I once spent a beautiful six months in that direction... A friend asked me why women always look to men to provide emotional needs that they just can't provide. It got me thinking about a relationship I had once that was so easy and good it scared me and sent me running. I am going to give it another shot while I still can and if it's good, I won't run this time. 


Looking back at the past this week has given me some great art ideas. I was all ready to Art today except that I was literally falling asleep on the highway on my way home from work. NOT GOOD. So, I came straight home and went to bed. Now I have to run a few errands and get more rest before going back to work.


Perhaps I will make up a small travel kit to take to work in case I am able to take a real lunch. Last night was not bad at all. Hopefully, this whole weekend will go by fast and it will be Tuesday before I know it. 


For my "cuddly friend" if you are reading this: I treasure you and will always be here for you. I look forward to another Wednesday very soon!


And to all of my friends and readers: May your weekend be filled with sunshine and spontaneity!


feeling~

Catching Up With Life

Well, my life has changed radically in a short amount of time... Yesterday I gave up all hope of sleep to sit in a car dealer for most of the day. In the end, my daughter drove off in her first car, so it was well worth it! I have my life back again. :-)


No more rushing home to let her drive my car to work. No more squeezing in errands here and there and being woefully stressed when she leaves and I realize I have forgotten something at the store, or didn't get to the bank during lobby hours. My life is my own once more.


In other news, my spirit has been doing some deep healing. My wildly varied dreams are showing me upon awakening that I have some long held issues that are still not resolved. I am resigned to the fact that I will need to use my new found freedom to make appointments with Darryl once more. It is becoming apparent that I may need some assistance dispelling these reminders of my past for good.


I once held a love in my heart so deeply that recent events have reminded me yet again I need to heal once and for all if I am ever going to move forward in peace. I woke up this morning feeling my last dream so acutely that I had to remind myself that several years have gone by and I should not be holding onto this anymore...


I think I let the anger hide the pain in an effort to keep progressing toward a better life for myself. I do believe I let other people's distaste for that person convince me that I harbored disgust and was fooled by them. But, as usual, the truth will always float back into one's awareness reminding you of hurts not healed and lies not admitted to.


One thing I have learned about myself in these past five years is that I am incredibly good at lying to myself. It is rather ironic that I hold honesty in such high regard where other people are concerned, but I am such a master at lying to myself. It is high time to admit that I still wonder what happened to the only true love of my life. Is he happy? Is he safe? Are they still together? I could certainly find out, but I have concluded that would not be wise. Let sleeping dogs lie...


Back to the present- Alex leaves Thursday to go back to Indiana and he has made it very clear that he may not return except for short holiday visits. Today may be the last time I play with my kids before they are scattered across the country living adult lives and adding new people to our family circle. We are going to Disney to play in the parks and make memories we will hold in our hearts forever.


So, today I will cherish time with my amazing kids. We will laugh and play and act crazy like we always do when we are together, and people will smile when they see us. It will be a day we hold in our hearts when we miss each other and need a reminder of how close we really are.


Everything else will wait for tomorrow. The bills, the chores, the goals, the responsibilities. Today is for fun and love and laughter...


Remembering what really matters~

Feelings...

Perhaps I am being moody and sentimental, or perhaps I am feeling what I dredged up this morning when I told Al about my weekend. All I know is right now I am incredibly sad.

Was it the pictures I saw on my phone? Was it the realization of where things stand now that I am back in my life?

I guess the heart can still feel profoundly even when the head knows it was for the best. All I want to do right now is cry for what I thought I almost had...

Or, maybe I am crying because I know now that I let myself go there and it was a mistake. Maybe each of these tears streaming down my cheeks is another brick building that wall taller and stronger around my heart, making it even harder to trust that anyone will ever truly love me...

Is this my punishment for being a fool?

Hurting~

Learning Every Day

When I left work last Sunday, I thought I wouldn't have another night as challenging as that one for a long time. I was wrong. While I may not have had another drastic first response situation, this weekend has brought it's own difficult challenges at work. I have left each morning feeling drained and emotionally depleted. Yesterday I was so down by the time I got home, I was still feeling it last night. 


I was surprised how the feelings overwhelmed me and I was taken to a place in my mind and in my spirit that I had not been in a long time. My confidence was shaken and I was truly feeling lost. It made me mad, frustrated, and confused. Where was my usual attitude? How could I get back to that place where I was elated to have another day and my confidence was high? 


It seems almost everyone I know has had challenges this week at some point with their emotions and their own life struggles. Perhaps I was not the only one feeling the effects of this Cancer Moon. Last night brought more bizarre situations at work, but we all pulled together and leaned on each other. I strengthened my alliances with the people who matter to me and I got a better perspective. This morning I literally felt things moving in a different direction and right now I am coming into alignment.


I have slept well today and I woke on my own without an alarm. The kids just went out and as I sit here in my quiet home I am at peace. It is okay that I had a few days of not feeling superhuman. It is alright that I allowed myself to not stuff everything and pretend I was fine this time. I am still the same person even though I let myself feel things more deeply and personally this time. 


Sometimes going to a new place on your life's journey will bring up memories from other attempts to find your way. These memories can haunt you and remind you of mistakes you don't care to repeat. But that doesn't mean you should hide from your life and live in fear of being hurt yet again. These memories are there to serve you and remind you that happiness comes in many packages. We simply need to find the courage to open the gift.


I was speaking to some old friends who were at work this weekend and I was reminded of another time and another place. I said to one of them "That was my favorite mistake." And as I thought back to that time, I remembered the joy and the love in my life. I remembered how good it felt to trust myself and follow my heart. Sure, I knew it wouldn't be easy, and in the end, there was a lot of pain. But I live my life with no regrets, and I would certainly make the same choices if I had that one to do over again. I had deep love like never before or since, I had tremendous growth as a woman and a mother during that time, and I would never give up the years of happiness for the comparatively short amount of pain in the ending.


Today I am wiser. Today I am a culmination of all of my life's lessons and feelings and challenges. Today I am whoever I am supposed to be in this time and place. 


I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and continue on this path. Because no matter how scary it may be, I am not willing to miss out on even one moment of happiness that may be waiting for me just a few steps further down the way...


Trusting~

Six weeks~

It was six weeks and it was wonderful. 


As she sat in her favorite local hang out, she thought about the evening spent with him. It was definitely revealing. Several things about the tone of the night left an impression on her, and it was all good. He finally said some things she needed to hear, and the cues she didn't miss reinforced her confidence as they moved forward toward their next meeting.


During the last six weeks she had experienced many different thoughts and feelings. She faced her fears of letting someone in, she faced her issues with not trusting herself, and she even faced the fact that she was inclined to let her future pay for her past. All of these issues surfaced, were dealt with, and she moved happily forward on this path. Tonight was the reward. They are still happy to see each other and each was finding their way to admitting it was good.


She looked forward to next weekend. Surely they would have good conversation, plenty of laughter, and fun new memories. She was excited to think about sharing more of herself and learning more about him over the course of the weekend. She appreciated that he wanted to include her in his interests. So far, she had found her own enjoyment in these varied experiences just as much as she enjoyed watching his eagerness to share them with her.


In the earlier visits she found it awkward to deal with someone who had lived such a different experience than she had. She liked him very much, but she had wondered if either of them would be able to get past their differences. As the weeks went by and they spent more time together, she found that he was just as open-minded as she was and they could always find a middle ground.


It was such a refreshing change from anything she had ever experienced before. This adventure was getting better all the time and she was ready to fully let go and give it everything she had. Tonight she was happy.


It was six weeks and it was wonderful~

The List ;-) - Part 2

Tonight Sandi I spoke further on our topic of relationships. I told her I was thinking a lot about "The List" we made up yesterday. Our whole discussion revolved around her marriage to the love of her life.  Nothing about our conversation touched on the other end of the spectrum, where I am at with newly dating again.

My list would be very different, indeed. Sure, I want someone to make me feel that I matter to them, but it would not be in ways that express love. Love is something that grows over time, if at all. When you are dating someone, you go through the first few phases of being with someone new before you even start to think about if you love them or not.

For example, when you begin dating someone new, it is exciting and fun and you can't get them off your mind. You think about them too much and wonder if they are thinking about you, too. You can't wait to see each other again and learn more about each other. You could even say you are "enamored" with each other. This phase usually lasts until you are confident that you are both in this long enough to see where it goes.

Once you have the assurance that they want to see what happens, too, you move on to the "we're seeing other" phase. Now you start to settle in as the glitter fades and you learn more about each other. You notice more than just the good things; you now see all of the little annoyances. You begin to pay more attention to your differences than your similarities. You communicate a little less than before because you know they will still be there tomorrow.

Some people never move past this stage. They are perfectly happy "just seeing each other" and do not feel the need to push it further. Others feel they want to become exclusive and decide they will be a "couple". There is no rhyme or reason to how things progress from this point. Some find they still think about each other constantly and want to be close as much as possible, while others are happy to keep the independence in each of their lives, knowing they have a special someone who is there when they need them. There are advantages to both arrangements. It is purely a product of personalities, lifestyles, and the natural progression of the relationship.

I am currently "seeing someone". We are not exclusive, but not actively looking for anything else. We make no demands on each other's lives, other than the expectation of communication when one of us needs it. We lead very different lives and we each respect that we have responsibilities and priorities that sometimes have to come before our time together.

I do care about this person and enjoy our time together VERY much, and it will be interesting to see where our path will lead. At this point, I think it is good that our schedules keep us at a steady pace, giving us time to be together and plenty of time for our independence. It's a nice balance.

We generally see each other once a week and we have planned a weekend together in a few weeks. Along the way, I am sure we will each be thinking about our similarities and our differences. What can we live with and what are deal-breakers? Does it even matter if we are happy the way things are and we just take it one day at a time?

My deal-breakers are already covered, or I would not have made it this far. I will not get married, I will not have any more children, and I have no idea if I would ever even live with someone again. If I ever did become a true "couple" with him or anyone else, I would be willing to make certain sacrifices to be together more, and I would expect the same in return. But for now, it is just really nice to take it slow and see where tomorrow leads. I am happy living in the here and now with no expectations, no labels, and no pressure.

So, I guess you could say that there isn't a list this early in the game. We still know so little about each other that we have no idea yet what to expect. It's too much fun learning more and more about our moods, our likes and dislikes, our opinions on everything from important subjects to trivial matters, to actually start with the demands and expectations of lists.

And perhaps lists and expectations are exactly why so many relationships fail. As long as you have a list, you can clearly be disappointed when the other person doesn't measure up. I think I see where Part 3 will be taking us…

Taking it one day at a time~

The List ;-)

Sandi and I had a very interesting conversation last night. Before I get into the discussion, it would probably help to give a bit of background on our friendship.


I have known Sandi for eleven years. We worked together back then for a couple of years and we became Best Friends. In 2001, she was going through her second divorce when I was getting ready to leave my first husband. She held me up in more ways than I thought possible. She literally held my hand through the whole process, from driving me to get the paperwork, to going with my ex and I the day we filed together. There is no truer friend, and I am glad our careers brought us back together again.


We talk about EVERYTHING. We each have four kids growing into adults with their own lives, we have each been married three times, and we have worked at the same place with the same people for years. Nothing is off limits for our discussions. She is smart and strong like me, and we have been known to discuss philosophical subjects, politics, and Sociology as easily as we discuss relationships. Last night the topic was men.


We started with moody, brooding men who need to disappear into their private space and be left alone. We discussed the dynamics of men and women coming at a relationship from totally different points of view. And, finally, we discussed women being stronger than their man. The last one we are both quite familiar with. We have both been emotionally and intellectually stronger than most of our husbands. I say most because her current husband, John, is definitely intelligent. 


Our discussion revolved around the fact that women need to feel desired. If a man makes no effort to show her his affection and take an active interest in HER life and HER needs, then she does not need to wait around for him. It's ok to let him do his thing and she can go on and do hers. They can compare notes at the end of the day. The problem is when the relationship becomes one-sided. When it is mostly about him and his interests and his needs, and she is supposed to be along for the ride. 


Women want to feel valued and appreciated the same as men do. They want to feel respected and cared for the same way they respect and care for their men. If things start getting lop-sided, and she feels she is doing all of the work, then she begins to pay more attention when someone else pays her a compliment, or sends her a hello. This is where insecurities on both sides can lead to damaging consequences.


As every conversation does when two women are speaking about men, the topic moved deeper into the emotional side of relationships. No matter how new or how lasting the relationship is, women expect constant reassurances that their man has affectionate feelings for them. We want to be held, kissed softly on the lips, caressed while cuddling on the couch. Some men just aren't comfortable with these things, but they are vital to creating a connection between the two. Even when neither party feels much of a connection due to routine or the lack of intimacy for whatever reason, women still need to feel physically wanted. 


If every time a woman comes home to her man, or visits him, he doesn't bother to greet her with a hug and a kiss, or some show of affection, she will eventually feel like he didn't really want to see her at all. In a man's mind, he may feel that the fact they are both there at the same time, in the same place should show her he wants to be with her, but that means nothing more to a woman than he had nowhere else to be right now. 


It was probably about here that Sandi and I laughed that after all of these years we are still having the same discussions about men. I told her about the endless threads on a forum I frequent where men and women have the same discussions over and over, never really learning anything about each other at all. What seems obvious to one gender baffles the other, and vice versa. Many people have attempted to write "rules" for dating, or relationships, but humans still act stupid after all of these years.


Men still don't get that they need to pull their weight if any kind of progress is going to be made. Women still don't get that everything is obvious to them and nothing is obvious to men. LOL So, in an effort to clarify the rules, we made a list. Uh-oh! No, it's really not that bad. It is simply the way to a woman's heart so that she can overlook his many flaws and keep being the fabulous partner he needs her to be.


1. Act like you miss her once in a while.


2. Actively show an interest in HER life and what's going on in her world these days.


3. Hugs and kisses. Lots of affection.


4. Show her appreciation for the things she does for you.


5. Go out of your way once in a while to see her. 


6. Take an interest in her activities. You don't have to DO what she does, but at least encourage her to talk about it and share with you.


7. Surprise her once in a while.


8. Tell her she is beautiful. No matter how good a woman looks, she is never told this very often in her life. It is amazing how fast a guy can win her over if he does this one simple thing.


9. Call her just because you want to hear her voice. These days, it is too easy to get caught up in texting and emailing. An occasional phone call can move mountains.


10. Do these things because you truly desire to keep her in your life, not because you think you have to do them. She will know the difference.


Women want to know what a man's list would be. However, we are not afraid to do a little research and find out. That was the next topic we discussed, but I'll save that for another post...


Now, how do we get this list widely circulated?? LOL


Mars and Venus~