I'm Bored...

It began simply enough... I was enjoying my recliner. I sat and relaxed, and just calmly experienced the peace that has become my life the way it is now. Just me and the little two, happy at home. 


But as the days went by: work, sleep, work, sleep, I fell into a mundane existence where sleep became my escape from the boredom. Finally, I realized I was slipping into a hole and I had better get out before it got any deeper. I knew something was up when I went out with a friend and spent the first hour wondering why I had bothered to leave my house. Thankfully, this friend always makes me feel good and I had a nice time. But it really showed me that I have fallen away again into that space where I forget who I am and why I am here.


At work it is easy enough to be social and go through the motions. But once I get home, I lose all motivation to accomplish anything. I eventually got back to my stitching. That's always a great place to begin. But it wasn't long before that turned into another excuse not to leave the recliner. I haven't even gone to Barnes & Noble in weeks. 


So, today I am looking for ways to jump start my enthusiasm for life. Inspiration to make something arty or find a reason to go out by myself like I used to. 


~anyone have any ideas??

I'm Still Here :-)

Well, I thought I had better pop in here and let you know I am still alive. LOL 


Life is going really well. This is the first time my life has been calm, peaceful, and uncomplicated since... well... ok, probably EVER! And it actually feels really good. So, I have basically been working and coming home to chill and enjoy time with my children. 


This week I did go out one night with my dear friend Cigar Guy. As usual, it was a wonderful evening with intelligent conversation, fun smart humor, and I even "walked the plank" four times! LOL Before the evening was over, we had discussed everything I cannot discuss with most people because they are either not smart enough to understand, or just don't want to know. And, of course, there were secrets... HeeHee...


I do believe this was the first time I was out with anyone other than my mother since I saw him on Labor Day weekend. I am doing my usual homebody "nesting" thing I tend to do in the Fall. Also, right now I am working on a project that is really important to me and I want to finish it before I leave for Indiana in a few weeks, so I have incentive to stay home.


Speaking of my project, I just blogged about it here. I know- two blogs in one day! What the hell happened to Jodi, right? LOL


I hope this day finds all of you healthy, wealthy and loved unconditionally.


~Until next time

I know I have slowed down my blogging significantly in the last few weeks. I am still writing, dreaming, thinking, debating, and investigating. I simply haven't had my computer handy whenever I have things to blog about. You see, I have been spending much more time lately simply being... still.


I am usually a very frenzied active person with seven things going at once. I certainly thrive on chaos, as my closest friends can attest. Recently, however, I have been compelled to slow down and just be. I am trying to listen to what my soul has to say about my here and now, as well as my future. I have a long history of running so fast through my life that I sometimes don't even notice what path I am on until I happen to notice it's going in the wrong direction.


The second of my college kids left for school and our lives are settling back down. We had a miscommunication with the private school that oversees our homeschool records, and the little two have been delayed in starting their high school adventure. They will be in their new schedules by Wednesday of this week and everything will be fine, but it gave me some extra days to cherish their company before they go speeding down that path toward their grown-up lives and have no time for mom any more.


I have also been caught up in drama at work. Nothing that was created by me, or is even dependent on me to flourish, but drama that affects my entire shift each night. UGH. I have been coming home each day and sleeping until I have to go back, except for a couple hours that I spend with the kids. I am mentally exhausted and I am looking forward to my time off this weekend.


I want to make art so badly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head and I look forward to having the time to stay awake long enough to create something. I have been working on bits and pieces here and there, but I need to drag out my supplies and start anew for the next thing I am ready to work on. 


I am also looking forward to seeing someone who has been patiently enduring my neglect of our friendship. I hope it hasn't been six months yet- we have rules!


planning~

I'm Still Here and I'm Still Me. :-)

Good Morning!


It is a gorgeous day in Central Florida! So beautiful, in fact, that you would never guess that we might have a hurricane here by Thursday or Friday:

I'm not worried, of course. I lived here in 2004 when we had Charlie, Frances, and Jeanne. UGH. I will simply stock up on water and canned goods in case the power is out for an extended length of time if it comes through here. 


I am really glad to live in Lakeland where we have our own power company. It's a much shorter wait to get the lights back on than when we lived out in the county on the far edge of TECO's coverage. I also live in a giant cement building and we have city water now, instead of a septic system. Amen!


I am something of a storm junkie. I love weather systems. It's exciting to watch the radars and see what's coming and how far it extends across the state before it's over. I should have been a meteorologist. LOL


And our skies... The Florida skies are just gorgeous when the rain moves in. The Northern skies were just plain gray. Blah. We get all kinds of amazing sky here. 


Enough about the weather. In other news, my life is going really well. Cassidy left yesterday with Jessica and they got to Ohio in the middle of the night, all safe and sound. Tomorrow she will drive to Alex at school in Indiana to drop off his boxes, then finish the trip to Illinois. 


Now it is just the three of us. Maddie has already made the apartment look great! We have all kinds of room in our bedroom and our closet now, too. LOL 


Last week's work on the art studio in the dining room has really paid off, too. I have been working on three or four projects throughout the week, doing a little more here and there and "Arting every day." It is so good for my spirit. I am sleeping better, and feeling more balanced. Creating is just so good for my soul...


Speaking of Soul... One of my dreams is to take off on a journey once the kids are out of the house. I want to dye my hair pink, hop in my RV with Annie and take off on the ultimate journey of freedom. I even have my outfit all planned for the day I drive away. :-) I will sell my Art and do freelance writing to support myself, my dog, and my lifestyle.


I plan on selling everything I have left by then and having my mobile house totally paid for before I leave. That way my bills will only be insurance, maintenance, cell & internet, gas and living expenses. I am also willing to do Workamping to make it happen. The plan is to try it for one year. Just 365 days with no one making demands on my who, what, where, and when. I also love the idea of having no permanent address. Wherever I am will be home.


After I fulfill my 365 mission, I will decide if I want to put down roots. That will be a well-informed decision after finally seeing so many parts of the country. I may be surprised at where I end up, but I suspect it will not be Florida. I do love it here, but it makes me crazy that the first 5 hours of any road trip is just getting out of this state! :-P


Yep, I have plenty more research to do. I was all set on a midsize Class C with a bicycle ntil I looked at the Airstreams. Now I have to find a vehicle that wold tow it and still feel like a "Jodi" car. That's a challenge, for sure!


I'm off to do more dreaming... Have a great day!


wandering~

Catching Up With Life

Well, my life has changed radically in a short amount of time... Yesterday I gave up all hope of sleep to sit in a car dealer for most of the day. In the end, my daughter drove off in her first car, so it was well worth it! I have my life back again. :-)


No more rushing home to let her drive my car to work. No more squeezing in errands here and there and being woefully stressed when she leaves and I realize I have forgotten something at the store, or didn't get to the bank during lobby hours. My life is my own once more.


In other news, my spirit has been doing some deep healing. My wildly varied dreams are showing me upon awakening that I have some long held issues that are still not resolved. I am resigned to the fact that I will need to use my new found freedom to make appointments with Darryl once more. It is becoming apparent that I may need some assistance dispelling these reminders of my past for good.


I once held a love in my heart so deeply that recent events have reminded me yet again I need to heal once and for all if I am ever going to move forward in peace. I woke up this morning feeling my last dream so acutely that I had to remind myself that several years have gone by and I should not be holding onto this anymore...


I think I let the anger hide the pain in an effort to keep progressing toward a better life for myself. I do believe I let other people's distaste for that person convince me that I harbored disgust and was fooled by them. But, as usual, the truth will always float back into one's awareness reminding you of hurts not healed and lies not admitted to.


One thing I have learned about myself in these past five years is that I am incredibly good at lying to myself. It is rather ironic that I hold honesty in such high regard where other people are concerned, but I am such a master at lying to myself. It is high time to admit that I still wonder what happened to the only true love of my life. Is he happy? Is he safe? Are they still together? I could certainly find out, but I have concluded that would not be wise. Let sleeping dogs lie...


Back to the present- Alex leaves Thursday to go back to Indiana and he has made it very clear that he may not return except for short holiday visits. Today may be the last time I play with my kids before they are scattered across the country living adult lives and adding new people to our family circle. We are going to Disney to play in the parks and make memories we will hold in our hearts forever.


So, today I will cherish time with my amazing kids. We will laugh and play and act crazy like we always do when we are together, and people will smile when they see us. It will be a day we hold in our hearts when we miss each other and need a reminder of how close we really are.


Everything else will wait for tomorrow. The bills, the chores, the goals, the responsibilities. Today is for fun and love and laughter...


Remembering what really matters~

Flowing along...

Living in the flow is going great! It feels good to be back in my groove again. I am tan and look really good, I have been all kinds of productive this "weekend" off work, I am solidly back into my healthy journey, and now I am going to relax and give myself permission to chill today. I have already gotten a day's worth of stuff done before 11am anyway.


Last night I was working on an important project and it turned out that I was not meant to hang out in Orlando with my buddy. Instead I went to the mall, found my skirt for my costume on a ridiculous sale, then I had a great phone conversation that made my whole day. :-) I finished the evening by working on the apartment for an hour with the kids and it no longer looks like a storage unit in my living room. Yay!! We even reorganized the balcony and it is so much nicer now. Naturally, I celebrated by watching several Foamy cartoons on Youtube. LOL


Today I was going to work on organizing the dining room Studio, but all I really want to do right now is sleep. I am slightly overwhelmed that half of the boxes that came back from the storage were filled with MORE Art stuff and crafty supplies. UGH! 


The layout of our last apartment made for such a beautiful Studio. This dining room is half the size to begin with, has less walls and a more "open floor plan". It's very nice if you were going to use it as a dining room. However, it is not conducive to shelves, bookcases, and cubbies filled with supplies for every craft known to the Western world. UGH!


It will definitely take some creative organizing to make all of my tools readily available for when the mood strikes. I am realizing that this is why I have hardly made any new work in months. I do not have easy access to any of my supplies. As it is, I have resigned myself to the fact that all of my needlework supplies have decided to reside in the living room. I thought that might be enough to free up the dining room, but that didn't last long once the final load from the storage unit made it over. 


So, for now, I will go back to my bed, do a meditation, and perhaps take a nap. Maybe my organizational muse will wake me with a great idea that will pull it all together. LOL


Hoping~

It's a Beautiful Day!

Well, so far today I had coffee at mom's, washed my car, tried to dye a skirt (don't ask!), had lunch with mom and Al at Applebee's, and got a nice sunburn suntan at the pool with the kids. I am currently relaxing in my chair and about to work on my latest project before I step out for the evening with one of my very best friends who is quite annoyed that my Wednesdays have not been free lately. LOL


He is a very dear friend who means the world to me, but we have always had wildly different priorities which sometimes leads to long absences between us. Nevertheless, we seem to make up for lost time rather well. I am looking forward to an intellectual discussion along the lines of Florida gun statutes, how to beat the IRS at their own game, and perhaps after some catching up on the comings and goings of our college student children, we will even get around to discussing the latest Supreme Court rulings. 


This may sound boring to some of my readers, but if you knew how much fun these chats actually are, you would be jealous, I assure you. After all, this is ME and someone with the same "sense of humor mixed with intelligent debate" having these conversations. Never a dull moment! In fact, he says we have been friends for so many years because I get the jokes...


Anyway, I hope all of you have had a lovely day enjoying our gorgeous blue skies. I have a date with a turquoise and lime green doll...


Arting~

Lasting Effects

Well, I can honestly say that I am now seeing the way Sunday's experience is having lasting effects on my psyche. I do think it is a good influence, rather than a negative one. 


The woman from Brazil was 42, just one year older than I. She was pretty and had an average figure. In fact, we guessed her to be around 30 until we got her information. There was no outward sign of illness or foul play. No drugs or alcohol visible in the area, no medical equipment, etc. This leads me to remember on a whole new level that life is short and can end at any moment. We need to prioritize our time and values and grab happiness anywhere we can. 


As is usual for me whenever I find myself starting over in life, I really take time to assess my thoughts, my feelings, my ambitions, and how I spend my time. This weekend drove the point home even deeper that it is ever necessary to connect with those that mean the most to me and follow my personal path to fulfillment. 


I make no apologies for being me. I will call when I feel the need to call and I will move heaven and earth to accomplish my goals. I do get tunnel vision and tend to focus too much on two or three things for a while, shutting all else out of view until I notice I am out of balance, then feel guilty that I haven't called so and so or haven't finished this or that project. But in the end, I am happy that I was true to myself in the moment.


Last night I was totally unfettered and could have made plans with anyone. I decided to use the time for myself, and did not call any of the friends that haven't seen me and have been texting for weeks wondering where I ran off to. I just did what was best for me, and I am glad I did.


I woke up after a really great sleep and took my time with coffee. I did a load of wash, showered, and ran out of the house. By 7:30 I was walking into B & N in Brandon and headed for my favorite section. I stood in front of the books with no agenda. I simply perused the titles and let them speak to me. 


I ended up at the cafe getting my Grande White Mocha and sitting down with an eclectic mix of reading. One title I was surprised to find had relevance to my Wednesday friend. Strange, how there were randomly placed three copies of this one book throughout the section. One of twelve pieces of a puzzle, but simply three copies on this piece and none of the others. By the time I found the third copy, it was OBVIOUS I was there to read it. So, naturally, I read every word of the small tome.


Today we communicated and I knew right away why I was supposed to read that book. The message I walked away with last night was that we are different, for sure, and this will give us challenges in understanding each other. But it would be worth it in the end to continue to make the effort. In the end, our similarities can overcome our differences and a significant meeting of the minds can be beneficial to both of us.


Today I will wander. I have a time and a destination. But I will leave as soon as I am ready and I will wander along veering this way and that until I arrive. I will not be staying as long as usual and I will once again wander on the way home. Perhaps another 3am visit to Starbucks with my journal? 


All that matters is that I take each day as it is and make the most of it. All that matters is that I am exactly who and what I need to be today and that I accept others for being who and what they need to be today. For tomorrow is promised to none of us, and today is all there is...


Living~

Good Riddance!

I just wrapped up the most challenging week I had at work since last November! It feels good to be off until Thursday. And, I have no restrictions on my free time this week. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want- a REAL weekend! 


I guess all of the emotional crap I have been clearing out of my head has really helped my process. I actually let myself deal with Sunday morning's ordeal on Sunday. No stuffing and pretending I'm fine. I did what I knew I needed to do as the day went along, and I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel. By Monday morning I was doing much better. By last night, I already felt like myself again. 


Now I am home and trying to decide what to do first. It's actually a really nice day today. The sun is shining and the sky is beautiful. If the pool was open I would go right now. Unfortunately, I will probably fall asleep before it does.


I have books to read, and art to work on, and projects to pursue...


Choices~

Catching up on Picture a Day

Day #3: Monday, June 27th:

This is Bitsy, being a Crafty Cat as we sorted through ALL of my fabric in the studio on Monday. All fabric was inspected, categorized, and re-organized in an effort to choose some for a new project. Of course, being me, by the time I got this far:

and put the sewing machine on the table, I decided I would rather paint, or write that day. Alex thought that was hysterical, of course. LOL He knows me too well, that one! I did end up writing, a lot! My journal is really getting put to good use these days....

Day #4: Tuesday, June 28th:

At 3:15am I received a call from my favorite Summer Season Tour Operator that there would be three busloads of International teenagers arriving at their building in FIVE minutes and could I please be there with backup to keep the noise in check!! Now, I adore this particular tour operator (for his professionalism, of course! The fact that he is adorable and loves me, too, has nothing to do with it!) but really, he knew ALL NIGHT what time they were arriving and he calls me five minutes before they show up?? Not a nice way to kick off the season, for sure.


The good news is that it was an incredibly smooth process, which is exactly why he is my favorite. They are professionals who take their role quite seriously, and it all went down like a well-oiled machine. Unfortunately, I did have to stay out at that building for almost TWO HOURS in humidity that was dripping off of us, while the smile plastered on my face was cramping my mouth muscles. LOL In the end it was worth it, though. My poor partner was the one that had to speak with the guests woken up at 4am because 180 people and their luggage were arriving to their building and getting settled into their rooms. 


Ah, Latin Season. Gotta love it! The next six weeks are where we EARN our pay for the entire year. We are THE Groups resort and this is our mainstay. Of course, after all was said and done, Stoney informed me that Brazil just changed their passport process, making it easier, and we could possibly have twice as many next year....


AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!~

What a Wonderful World...

It's my day off and I am relaxing today. I am going to plan my birthday trip to the Hoosier Stitcher's Retreat, and I am going to sleep as loooong as I want to. It will be wonderful! I hope you have a wonderful day too!

I will...

I will dye my hair hot pink and live in an RV. I will stitch and write and paint and sell my work to support myself. I will travel to Austin, Texas and Santa Fe, New Mexico and meet other artists and free spirits.

I will paint my RV in wild colors and people will watch me roll by and wish they were as free as me...

And I will share with them my secrets.

I want...

I want to paint. and sculpt. and glue tiny things together to make not as tiny things. I want to sew and stitch and embroider and make big pictures out of teeny tiny X's. I want to ART my way through the day. I want to make a little quilt with so much stuff on it, you can hardly see the fabric. I want to make fun jewelry and embellish clothes to wear. I want free time to do these things all day, every day.


And then, I want to write about it.

11/11

Eleven eleven. 

Seems as good as any other day to begin the new blog.

In my soul, I am a writer and an artist. I have always been an information junkie with a thirst for knowledge, and my social character gives me a natural drive for sharing what I learn. I am a student of the human condition. I love people and I am fascinated by our differences, our similarities, and by learning what makes us tick.

The challenge for me is understanding why other human beings in the same situations, faced with the same facts and circumstances, don't naturally have the same instinctive reactions that I do. This simply drives me to learn more.

My art has generally been centered around the idea that we are all unique and we do not fit in little boxes with labels. Life is messy and random and that's what makes it beautiful. Recently, I went back to college and my eyes are opening wider every day. My soul is flourishing and I am happier than I have ever been. My brain is overflowing with new concept, ideas, stories to express through my art. I am filled with new knowledge, truths, and facts that I can't keep to myself.

Through the years I dabbled in writing, blogging, and expressing myself through words. When I wasn't writing formally, words were sprinkled through my art, my designing, my decor. Words Words Words

Now it is time for me to pull it all together in one place and nurture the gift. I will write and I will create and when I am ready to share it, I will bring it here. Perhaps another human will find it worthy of reaction. Perhaps they will share what it made them feel. Or perhaps they won't. But either way, I will finally be honoring my spirit by doing what I was meant to do.